


Lockdown

by JestersTear



Series: Freedom, And The Lack Thereof [1]
Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Prison, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, M/M, Misunderstandings, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 17:02:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13862058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JestersTear/pseuds/JestersTear
Summary: On the worst day of Cullen's imprisonment, Max attempts to make it better with nearly disastrous results. Or, first kiss.





	Lockdown

**Author's Note:**

> Hmm. I don't seem to have been able to make a clean break from these two yet. Have one more one-shot, from the same verse as Freedom, And The Lack Thereof. While this was written after, it's chronologically well before Unexpected. It's because of what happens here that a few things in Unexpected caused Cullen to draw parallels.

Leaning his mattress against the wall Cullen punched, and punched again. It wasn’t enough - the wall was hard, the mattress was thin, he was just as likely to break a hand as to ruin the mattress and get into trouble, not to mention having to go without - but he needed an outlet. And he needed to train. _Left._ If they thought he was just going to lie down and _take it,_ well. _Right_. They had another thing coming. “Inevitable” - _left_ \- didn’t mean he’d go down without a fight. He’d make them bleed. _Right_.

Solona had played him like a violin. _Left._ Handpicked him for his resemblance with her lover, so the exiled prince’s child would be safe. _Right._ Discarded him as soon as he’d been arrested, flaunted his daughter’s - no not _his_ , as it turned out - paternity test as soon as it was convenient. _Left._ Samson still had the gall to claim to be his friend after setting him up to take the fall for the lyrium theft, four years ago. He had to have known it hadn't prescribed, even as he pointed a finger at Cullen. _Right_. Vipers, the both of them, and the Maker had a cruel sense of humour to have him receive both sets of news in one day. And Max… _Left, right._ No point dwelling on that now. Cullen had attributed too much to what had been a simple transaction - _left_ \- but he hadn’t thought Max would be such a downright _bastard,_ to choose today of all days to put an end to it. _Right_.

A fucking - ha! Fucking! - business transaction. _Left._ That was ended the instant it was no longer mutually beneficial. _Right_. Max had grown bored, apparently. _Left, right, left, right, left right._

“Cullen, stop that. You’re going to hurt yourself. She’s not worth it.”

He rounded on Max, itching for a fight. Lockdown was so complete this time around that he doubted anyone would even think to check cells before they’d both gotten bloody. He never used to be this way before his arrest.

“Stay out of it.”

“It’s not going to make her bring your daughter back.”

Max had no right to look like that - calm, collected, concerned - when he’d just discarded Cullen so thoroughly.

“Do not _dare_.”

“I’m trying to do you a favour, Cullen.”

“A favour?” His laugh was bitter. “Didn’t you just make it clear you were done with those?”

“What?”

“Just because your protection has expired do you think I’m going to go quietly? _Let_ them take me? To the Void with you.”

“My protection? Tell me who told you that and I’ll make sure they’ll pay.”

He looked completely serious. Coldly furious, as well. Add to that the affectation of insanity, that which made everyone else fear Maxwell, and the man was an incredible actor. One who was toying with him; he was nothing but sport to the other man.

“Are you having a good laugh at me, Max? Does it make you feel powerful?”

“I’m not inclined to laugh. Tell me who.”

“YOU,” he roared, unable to keep hurt and betrayal from creeping into his tone, “only half an hour ago. Did you forget, Max?” He approached the other man, probably looking more than a tad insane himself, fists clenched, wanting some sort of confrontation but not wanting to throw the first punch. “Did you forget standing there telling me you wouldn’t be taking any more payments from me from now on?”

Max went from furious to dismayed in under a second, lifting his hands placatingly.

“ _Cullen_. I never meant I wouldn’t protect you. Only that you no longer had to pay for it. I know what it’s like to have family and friends piss on you - I was trying to give you something good to end the day on, despite all the shit you went through today. I will _never_ let them get you.”

There was an iron will behind his eyes, and it took Cullen a moment to process his words. When he did he could have wept. Mortification hit, then sadness. Max had been the one thing to make the last several months bearable, and now he still had not only a little over a year but two to go. Had he just ruined whatever relationship they’d had by so callously jumping to the worst conclusions?

And why did his gut twist so uncomfortably at the thought of ending what they had if his protection was assured?

He dropped his fists and his eyes. Max’s feet, the cell’s floor, anything was preferable to looking directly into disappointed blue eyes.

“I… Well. Sorry won’t do it, will it? You were trying to help me and I assumed the worst of you. Can… Would… Could you find a way to forgive me?”

He nearly jumped at the hand on his shoulder, that clapped it once before retreating.

“It’s forgiven. Don’t do it again.”

His head shot back up. Max’s eyes weren’t furious anymore, but they weren’t exactly kind either. He’d torn a rift in his relationship with the other man that he didn’t know how to mend. And besides that… _Fuck._ He looked away again, to the side and the bare wall.

He didn’t know what was wrong with him. Max had given him a clean exit, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel happy about it. Was it really possible that he was _disappointed_ that his cellmate had grown bored with him but still cared enough to keep him safe? Was that really what that feeling was, that tugged him all the way down from the corners of his mouth, to his shoulders, to his gut?

Had he been that desperate for contact that he’d _enjoyed_ whoring himself out for protection? That he’d _enjoyed_ being willing to– he forced himself to think in the same crude, blunt way he heard every day in this place - that he’d enjoyed being willing to suck cock and take it up the arse? Well, there was no question he’d enjoyed it, was there? Max had made sure of that every time.

And therein lay the rub. He’d come back to his cell wanting nothing better than to lose himself in pleasuring Max for however long this lockdown lasted. In being pleasured by him in return. More than sucking cock and taking it up the arse - although he was being honest with himself now, so no need to deny that he’d enjoyed those as well -, he’d been eager to touch the other man. Eager for all the little things he got away with, like pressing his lips to other places, a thigh here, a hip there. Eager to feel Max’s skin on his own.

He’d been too preoccupied with maintaining the illusion that he was merely paying for a service to properly enjoy the time he had had with Max. And now he’d grown so boring that Max didn’t want him, but he _pitied_ Cullen enough to still help. He walked away without a word, picking his abused mattress back from the wall behind him and bringing it back to his bunk. His eyes were burning and he didn’t want to embarrass himself further in front of Max.

He leaned his forehead onto the cold metal of the bunk and closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he let out, his voice rough, “very sorry.”

“Bygones,” Max replied from somewhere behind him. What Cullen wouldn’t give for the freedom to walk away to be alone and weep right now, relieve some of the pressure in his chest. “Cullen? Bygones for real. Can I help somehow?”

Cullen turned to look again, feeling hollow. His baby daughter, that he’d never met, had never been his daughter at all. His closest confidante on the outside had framed him to stay here another year to save his own skin. But right now what hurt the most was that Max didn’t want him anymore.

“No, I… No. Your pity is quite enough, thank you.”

He ran a hand through his face, incredulous that the words and vitriol had actually come from his own mouth. What was wrong with him that he felt the need to rub salt in his own wounds? To antagonise Max further when he was only trying to help?

“My pity,” Max replied evenly, “first I’m taking away my protection, now I pity you. I can’t do anything right, can I? Serves me right for trying to be nice. Suit yourself.”

“What else could it be?” Cullen’s own tone, on the other hand, was still helplessly beligerant. “If you’ve grown bored of me but will still see to my safety, what else could it be if not pity?”

“I never said I’d grown _bored_ , Cullen.” And now Max was furious again, and lowering his voice with every passing moment. “I wanted to give you a win. Would you rather I told you to strip and get on my bed? Say the word, by all means, and I’ll have you naked and begging for my cock the entire lockdown.”

Cullen shivered, and his cock stirred in interest at the suggestion. Max came closer, hands on each side of his head on the bunk. He looked betrayed.

“Is that it, Cullen? You’ll miss my cock? Or did you simply never consider I might want to do something nice for you for the hell of it?”

Heat suffused his cheeks but every cold word Max threw his way tore at his heart. He wouldn’t miss his cock, he’d miss _him_. _All_ of him. But he’d already ruined that entirely.

He ducked and paced away before settling on a corner near the door, his back against it. If he were to have a meltdown and cry, he’d much rather that any passing guard wouldn’t be able to watch it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Fuck off.”

Nothing to lose now.

“Yes. I’ll miss being your whore. Is that what you want me to admit? I’ll miss having you use me.”

He’d never seen something take Max by surprise, but there was a first time for everything, it seemed.

“I never said you were my whore, Cullen. _Never._ Not to anyone who didn’t need to hear it to keep you safe, at least. And I certainly never thought it.”

“What did you think of me as, then? If you didn’t think that of me?”

“I thought of you as someone who got as much pleasure out of our arrangement as I did, at first. But then, lately… I thought of you as a man who was offering sex for nothing, just so his first time with another man wouldn’t be an act of violence. I thought of you as someone who needed protection. I thought of you as someone I had been taking advantage of for nearly a year. I thought of you as my victim. And today I took a step towards solving that. I’m sorry if you felt I was treating you like a whore.”

“I never felt like a victim with you.”

“Just a whore.”

“I would gladly be that for you, Max.” He sounded defeated to his own ears. Whatever he said he just couldn’t win, not after how he’d messed everything up. He may as well give Max the truth. “I would gladly be anything you’d like to be able to fix this. Whenever we were together, that was the only time being locked up in here didn’t matter. I’m sorry I fucked it up so royally that I ended up losing everything I had.”

Max came closer and Cullen didn’t flinch. Nothing to lose came with its own strange peace, in a way.

“You shouldn’t swear like that when it’s just us in here; it doesn’t come naturally to you.” His voice seemed almost fond. “I don’t want a whore.”

No, he’d known Max couldn’t possibly still want him after everything. It seemed surreal that “everything” had taken place in the span of a few minutes. An hour ago he’d still had him, he just hadn’t known it then. His eyes were too full, close to overflowing. “I know. But I needed you to know I’d gladly be that.”

Max had stopped close, too close, close enough that there was no way he’d miss the tears shining in Cullen’s eyes. Well. In the wake of everything he’d already revealed, what did it matter?

“I could use an equal partner, though. If you wanted.”

Cullen stared, his heartbeat alien and furious in his throat, his blurred vision preventing any sort of scrutiny of Max’s expressions. He hadn’t known hope could feel quite this devastating. He whimpered, the only indication of his distress.

Max’s face, inching towards his own, so agonisingly slow. One of Max’s arms on the door, right next to Cullen’s head, the other hanging loosely by his side. As if to leave Cullen an escape route. When all Cullen wanted to do was bring Max closer, but he was rooted to the spot.

And then Max brushed his lips to Cullen’s, so softly, demanding nothing, and a thousand orgasms couldn’t compare to this one kiss. All the tears spilled at once, and when Max made to move away Cullen followed with his arms and with his lips.

“Please, Max. I don’t want it to end.”

Max touched his face then - something else he’d never done, and Cullen greedily catalogued the sensation -, lips close enough to kiss again, and the other arm snaked around his back to bring him closer still. It couldn’t be described as anything other than a hug. They never did this. Never any touches above the waist at all, except for an encouraging pat on the head if Cullen had Max’s cock in his mouth. Certainly never any kisses. This was more intimate than anything they’d ever done, and more precious as well.

“We have to stop for now, Cullen,” Max said, then belied his words with more kisses, “we can’t be hidden away from the window for too long.” More kisses, and then holding him close became a full blown hug without restraint, Max’s breath warm in his ear. “After lights out, I promise. I _promise_.”

Maker, he didn’t know, he’d never known. Max had always been kind during sex, even when his words were coarse, but Cullen had never known being touched by the other man would be so gentle. He didn’t want to stop. He held on as they both slid along the door, ending up in an awkward position on their knees on the floor. He grabbed the back of Max’s head, fingers not quite able to grasp his closely cropped hair, and brought him in for another kiss. Max kissed him back at first but then managed to stop, breathing heavily.

“Cullen, no more. No more. We have to play this carefully. We have to stop. Just until lights out. It’s kill or be killed out there, and I need them to be afraid of me or we’re both dead. Say you understand.”

He nodded dutifully. Of course he understood. Everything hinged on Max being seen as an insane man with nothing to lose. If it became known he harboured a… Fondness for someone, then he’d have a weak spot. Cullen would not be his undoing. He kissed him just one more time then got up, catching himself just before extending a hand to help Max do the same. He was not an expert at this game of deceit, but he could play it. He could do anything to have Max.

The old him might have rebelled against willingly sharing his body with a mass murderer. The explosion at the Conclave, well. It was hard to reconcile the Max who had just kissed him so passionately with the Max who had caused the Divine’s death along with countless others’, although he imagined he could sometimes see that Max in the facade of insanity that he presented in the yard.

But that Cullen was gone, these days. That Cullen had never let combat drugs corrupt him so thoroughly that he’d become impervious to the suffering of the very people he had been meant to protect. That Cullen had never been tacitly complicit in abuses overseen and encouraged by his Commander. That Cullen had never been imprisoned, fearing for his life and safety on a daily basis. That Cullen had never found beauty in the darkest of places. This Cullen would take warmth and joy where he could find it. This Cullen was counting the minutes until lights out. And suddenly one additional year didn’t seem such terrible a fate.

**Author's Note:**

> To clarify a few things, since this is a collection of one shots and there is plot in between:
> 
> \- Solona Amell was already pregnant with Alistair's child when Anora became sole ruler. She chose Cullen for his similar build and colouring, not to mention his old crush on her, had sex with him then told him she was having his baby. Meanwhile Meredith fell, Cullen was arrested and she had a baby girl while he was already in prison. As soon as Anora's rule was overturned and it was safe for Alistair to be known to have a child, she took a paternity test and informed Cullen's lawyer, who visited today to tell him in person. He never even met the baby. 
> 
> \- There was a lyrium theft in Kirkwall four years previously. It was only discovered well after Cullen's sentencing and the real culprit - Samson - framed Cullen for it. Then he visited Cullen to tell him he'd meant no harm, but Cullen was already in prison and Samson thought it wouldn't make a difference. The result was one more year added to his sentence, because modern day Thedas is swift at dealing out [in]justice and the courts didn't even hear Cullen. His lawyer also brought him that piece of news today. 
> 
> \- That's what he's dealing with when his lawyer's visit is cut short by an unexpected lockdown. It's immediately after that that Cullen walks into his cell, confides in Max about what happened and Max tells him he won't be needing to make any more "payments".
> 
> Comments, reviews, criticism? Yes, please!


End file.
